We’re now planning our very own wedding
Martin and I have known each other ten years, have been a couple for six, and have lived blissfully together for five. He always said he doesn’t believe in marriage and that he is fully committed to me, so yes the proposal was a shock and completely romantic in our own way. Our own way being private, at home, and after an average Monday night dinner I had naively prepared.
For years we have spoken about what our wedding would be like, but that’s because I talk about weddings a lot of the time - testament to how much I love my job and my couples. These conversations about food, entertainments and guest lists were always underlined with a mixture of happy thoughts but also with suppressed disappointment that the day would never happen. I accepted and respected his decision as I dont believe one person should convince another to undertake such a life-change, I also understood as he is significantly older than me. It now makes me quite emotional to think back to these conversations and consider that he may have been thinking that he actually would like to get married.
Making plans
I brag about my experience in the wedding industry, so when it came to my own wedding it should be easy, right? Yes I thought so too. But I was determined from day one for every decision to be both of ours. To this point this has been the case, I even showed him photos of dresses I tried on to see what he liked and did not like.
The first decision has the be the venue? I guessed? We considered getting married on our own land, that felt special, but I didnt want our wedding to cause us weeks of work. Martin is from London, and we did all our early dating in London, so we have chosen The Royal Society of Arts, which ties in with our ethos as it is a charity, and Martins career was in science. Plus i’m a sucker for that Georgian architecture. This makes sense for guests coming from different countries and counties too.
Remembering the meaning
We secured the photographer, celebrant and videographer basically straight away. These are the key suppliers for us, we just figured there was no rush for the other aspects and they can just fall into place as and when. Even when it came to the dress, I spent just one day trying on a few and chose the one I liked the best. I have too often heard of weddings becoming more important than the relationship. The purpose of our wedding is to get married and celebrate with friends and family, I have promised myself to not get caught up over finding the most impressive cake, or having show-stopping flowers, or tuns of original ideas.
This is the reason we have selected a humanist celebrant, because the ceremony IS the wedding, therefore it needs to be special. When I stumbled across Roxy (@Roxycelebrateslove) on Instagram, all my prayers were answered. I know a ceremony conducted by her and designed together will be modern, memorable and meaningful. I’m so looking forward to working closely with her next year and this is going to be something I will encourage all my couples to consider.
“Who’s filming your wedding?”
Is the question I have been asked the most. As Martin says, “Luckily she knows the best in the industry. Unfortunately she knows the best in the industry”. Thats right, Philip White (@mrphilipwhite) will be capturing all the moments for me. Of course I considered letting a peer film the day only and I edit, that would save money and I will surely be able to craft a film I love. But for one wedding, I didnt want to work. Asking Philip to film our wedding is a real treat for me, and where I have scrimped in other areas, film has always been ‘my thing’, so to be able to commission a creative, timelessly stylish and hugely talented filmmaker felt very special. I also followed my own advice and hired somebody who keeps cool on the day and fits with my personal attitude to life.
In terms of a photographer, this was just as easy a decision. Gavin Hardy is somebody I have always wanted to work with but have not yet had the opportunity. He is well respected by all who know him for being very easy going and effortlessly brilliant. He shoots 100% candidly which is perfect because we will not be having any family or group shots. He just takes great photos of people and places, and is a keen street photographer which will come in handy when we get the underground to the ceremony.
So what else?
We have been thinking about every element of a wedding, and thinking if it is something we want to do or need to. Here are some of the things we are doing our way:
No bridesmaids. My friends know how much I love them, but I dont want to dictate what they wear or where they get ready. Instead, I am getting ready with Martin in the morning and we are travelling to the ceremony on the underground together.
BUT, when we get to Charing Cross, we will be branching off ready for me to have a glass of champagne with a few girlfriends while he has a pint with the boys.
I am walking myself down the aisle. This isn’t because I have a difficult relationship with my dad, but I find the tradition of ‘dad giving me away’ very outdated. I have been independent since I was 17 and lived with Martin for 5 years, I don’t need my dad to ‘hand me over’
Wedding cake. Too often I see this wasted at the end of the night because everybody has eaten a three course meal plus evening food. We weren’t going to have a cake, but I LOVE cake. So we are cutting it straight after our ceremony and the venue will serve it on platters with champagne during the drinks receptions.
Wearing my own jewellery. Before we travelled around South America in 2018, Martin bought me a simple silver band to wear on the third finger of my left hand. It took me a while to figure out if this was an engagement ring or not. His gifting of it to me was romantic and emotional but he never said those words. I later found out it was to stop Argentinian Gouchos hitting on me. But I like the idea of using this as my actual wedding ring. I will also be wearing other jewellery he has bought me over the years which has more sentiment.
Making our own confetti. Little things for a wedding day add up! So we have already dried hundreds of rose petals ready for guests to launch at us on a London side street. This started with flowers we were sent upon the announcing our engagement - so thank you again to those who sent us flowers.
No gift or favours. I have already planned a sentimental gift to Martin. But we are aren’t doing favours on the tables, nor gifts to our parents et al. I am, instead, just making little origami cranes for each guest at their table setting so they know I have taken that time. Its also a Japanese tradition to fold 1000 cranes to symbolise patience on the lead up to the day. Luckily, we only have 100 guests.
Flowers. I appreciate flowers, I love flowers, but I never know how expensive they were. I completely understand why, and i’m very respectful of florists, they actually are magicians, but I know more than most how fast the day goes. I hate the idea of all those gorgeous arrangements going to waste so our day can be slightly prettier. So I have two angels who have swooped into my life, Reanna, one of my newest but closest friends who is a goddess when it comes to drying and displaying flowers. And Clare, Martins niece who is the most green-fingered person I know who will be going to Camden flower market the day before.
Stop talking now
I really do not want to be one of these people who goes on and on about our wedding, it really isn’t as exciting to anymore as much as it is to us. So thats all i’m going to say about planning our day. I guess I just want to also say that I now understand how much thought and time goes into the whole process, so I’m grateful I can fully identify with all my future couples and understand even more how much the day means.