Rules I broke at my own wedding

And yes, feel free to steal my ideas.

Often have I said to a bride or groom “There are no rules”. This is usually in response to a couple saying they aren't happy about doing a first dance, or that they feel a sit-down meal is consuming a large chunk of time (and budget). I maintain that ones wedding day should reflect the couples personality, rather than fitting into a mould. Some of my favourite wedding moments I have witnessed over the years have been so because they feel so individualistic.

Here are some of the ‘rules’, ‘conventions’ and ‘traditions’ we ignored (in some kind of linear order).

We got ready together

This was the best decision we made. I get that it’s a lot of girls dreams to walk down the aisle, then the groom sees the bride for the first time, tears, etc etc, it was mine too on some level. But when it came to thinking through the day we felt we didnt want to spend half the day apart. Waking up together was magical, we played music we loved, we lounged about in our robes, exchanged gifts. I didn’t have bridesmaids, it was just us, our photographer, videographer and hair and make-up artist, eating pastries, having a really lovely, chilled out morning. These are some of my favourite photos from the day, too.

Martin hadn’t seen what I was wearing so he went onto the roof terrace as I changed and we had a first look. We then walked around SoHo together (more great photos) and travelled to our venue via a combination of a taxi and the underground. Having this time also meant we didn’t have to escape the wedding later for a photo shoot, the day was free to spend with our guests.

I wore a suit

And never looked back. I feel more feminine in a masculine clothes. Yes I had always dreamed about wearing a wedding dress, I tried a few on and got that out of my system. It was much more important for me on the day to feel comfortable, confident and look a bit different. It also made walking around the city, as we planned, a lot less stressful. The process of having a suit tailored was a lot of fun, I got to choose every detail such as the buttons, material, embroidery, cuts and fits. Bonus to be able to re-wear the different elements too.

I walked myself down the aisle

My dad was present, our relationship is fine, I didnt do this to make a statement, I just feel being ‘given away’ was a bit archaic. It felt odd as I haven’t lived with my dad since I was 15 and haven’t asked for approval on much since haha. That moment of standing on my own before I walked into the room felt quite significant to myself, too. I have always valued time on my own.

We had a humanist ceremony

Ok, so we didnt get married on our wedding day. But our ceremony felt much more special. I felt lucky to have stumbled across Roxy, because the ceremony she wrote and conducted for us could not have been more personal and significant. She told our story, we read personal vows and got all our guests singing When I’m 64 by The Beatles. By the time the day arrived, Roxy felt more like a friend which was a luxury compared to shaking hands with a stranger thirty minutes before a significant life event.

It also meant we got a bonus wedding day. On the Monday after we caught a cab to Chelsea Town Hall where our two best friends met us for a coffee, then they witnessed the legal ceremony. We were then free to just have a self-indulgent day doing whatever we wanted with no expectations and no formalities. For us, this was lunch in Chelsea followed by a long stroll along the Thames in the sunshine.

We cut the cake straight after the confetti tunnel

Has anybody ever googled where the cake cutting tradition comes from?! Cake was something we were going to go without. It occurred to me that often, by the time cake is served, everybody has had a 3-course-plus meal and I regularly see a wedding cake going untouched. But I love cake, and cake with champagne is the ultimate combination for me. So we cut the cake straight after the ceremony and had it served on platters during the drinks reception. I still didn’t eat any - too busy talking. In fact I don’t think I ate any of my meal either - too busy talking.

No group photos

My parents are divorced, Martins are sadly dead, neither of us have a straightforward nuclear family, so it was daunting having to categorise the family into sections without standing in the same spot smiling for half an hour. We didn’t want to sacrifice any time we had to properly mingle with all our guests. Candid photos are always our favourite anyway. So, to keep it simple, we just had none. A few members of my family have expressed their disappointment at this decision, however. I guess from their perspective they were expecting to pose for photos, so they maybe put more effort into their outfits. I don’t regret this choice, but I would suggest really thinking it through if considering this option.

Made fun of our first dance

We weren’t into the ‘everybody watch us sway around a dance floor in a way we never will in any other scenario’ notion. But, as I know well from experience, if you don’t do a first dance, it takes a long time for the dance floor to get lively. So we just did something different, and replicated the John Travolta and Uma Thurman pulp fiction first dance. Our band even performed the intro “And now its time for the Jack Rabbit Slims famous dance contest”. The moment everybody joined in was amazing because more people than not knew some variation of the moves, resulting in some great dance floor shots of friends swimming, twisting and hand-crossing.

I got involved with the band

This seemed a great idea at the time, and one final surprise for my new husband. I can play one song on the drums, and thats Come Together by The Beatles. For some reason I was determined to perform this with our band, just to fulfil a lifelong, unaccomplishable dream of being a rockstar. Wouldn’t have been possible in a wedding dress. The photos are amazing and currently framed above our drum kit at home. In retrospect it probably sounded dreadful, but who cares? Maybe the band?

In short, I hope you take away that there really, really are no rules. Think about you, it is the day when you’re allowed to do whatever you want, and everybody will love your personality shinning through.

Like I said, feel free to steal my ideas, as long as I get to film it ;)

My amazing suppliers:

Photography - Gavin Hardy www.gavinphotography.co.uk

Videographer - Philip White www.philipwhite.io

Humanist celebrant - Roxy Celebrates www.roxycelebrateslove.com

Venue - The Royal Society for Arts www.thersa.org/rsa-house/events/weddings

Hair & Make-up - Lilia Mullinger www.liliamullingermakeup.com

My Suit - Clements & Church www.clementsandchurch.co.uk/weddings/bridal-wear

Veil - My Beloved Bride - www.etsy.com/shop/mybelovedbride

Martins suit - Richard James, Savile Row www.richard-james.com

Band - Cosmic Balloon - www.entertainment-nation.co.uk/cosmic-balloon